So sometimes it’s like I’m literally not in my body

i can’t focus

i can’t make conversation

i’m enthralled in the sensation

 

the sensation that literally owns me 

until i distract myself enough that it decides to leave

but it’s not gone far - always creeps up to remind me….

 

If only there was a switch

i wouldn’t be selfish

id allow myself to feel it now and again

but not for hours on end

 

i miss out on stuff

 

head is fuzzy

palms are sweaty 

throat is tight

breathing is a task…breathing..

 

when I’m cured of this demon

i’ll savour every second my soul is at peace

never have i been so grateful for a moments contentment

the birds  in the tree

the sun on my face

the sound of my mothers voice

the feeling of peace

the words of my favourite song

 

i can’t wait to figure out whats wrong with me so I can say, this is the way I used to be

 

Claire x